Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
