He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
