the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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