there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
