Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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