you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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