Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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