You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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