Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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