Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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