when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
