all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
