My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
