My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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