Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
