Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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