I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize