Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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