this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
