I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
