just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
