you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
