I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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