My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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