She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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