I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
