I didn't shave. On purpose
i love accidental penises.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
