hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
how drunk are you?
Several
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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