it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
