literally had 100 drinks last night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
