My liver just broke up with me...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
