bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't think brook has ever known best
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
