You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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