I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
