I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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