I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
