I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He? As in you personified your dick?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
