So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Houston, we have a blender
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
