My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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