I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jerry, you need to find god
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
