what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
