So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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