he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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