I think I died a long time ago.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Farmville is her only friend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
