There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
