no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
