I accidentally had phone sex last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
