somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
