Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
