I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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