this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
