"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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