everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
