I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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