It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is my gift to your gina
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
