i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
