I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
