i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
