You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
