My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
