Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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