Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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