I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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