She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize