he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
