There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
