i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
