can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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