I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
