Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
