Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
