If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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