I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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