Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
