THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just threw up on my dentist
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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