my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
