I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
