I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
