There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
