I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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