I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
