please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
